Scarred for Life!

Tonight I had this conversation with my oldest son.

Austin: Mom, Dad wants to know if we can use your camera for Scouts tonight. We are learning, Photography.

Me: " Will it come back home?" I am quickly thinking of ways to keep my camera home & safe. "I don't know...there are pictures of me on the camera that are only meant for your Dad." (I know! Yes! I said this out loud! As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to wring my own neck!) "I probably should not have said that in front of you. I don't want to scar you for life?!"

Austin: Shaking his head as he keeps texting and he replies, "Don't worry. You have already scarred me for life, several times. I am use to it now."

Me: With sarcasm in my voice, "Thank you Son. That really helps calm my nerves."

Austin: He hugs me goodbye and says, with the same amount of sarcasm, "Mom... I do what I can.."


I tell you, this parenting gig is harder than it looks. It is like sports. I love playing them, but it doesn't mean that I am any good at them. It is sad but true, nobody but Goodlookin wants me on their team. I can't say I blame them. Heck, I don't even want to be on my own team. Now in a game, you can walk away from a bad game. Parenting? No you can't leave. You wouldn't want to. Well...most days you wouldn't want to. Not all of us are blessed to be athletes or maybe parent other humans. All my plants are fake for a reason. Goodlookin took pity on all the house plants I was killing and just softly nudged me toward the fake flower & plant isle.

After Goodlookin came home and all the kids were in bed, I told him what I said to Austin. (Which, I was referring to the pictures my five year old took of he & I after I got home from the hospital. I really did not want those pictures out. You can't erase eyeballs! I don't even look human in those pictures.) Goodlookin' didn't even blink as I explained my situation. He just laughed and said, "He is a funny kid! Don't worry our kids are use to it." Funny, that did not make me feel better.

If our kids turn out somewhat normal, it will be because of Goodlookin. I am more of a freelancer in this parenting thing. Luckily, Goodlookin' keeps us all grounded and glued together. However, let the record show, I picked out their Dad for them. That should say one good thing about my parenting morals. Atleast I wanted them with one sain adult!

I never thought I would say this, but I have never been so happy that I won't be attending my own funeral. I don't want to know what they will say about me. "Well, you know Mom, she just couldn't keep her mouth shut." Which is true, but still I don't want to hear it. I will end with this statement that I thought I would never say to myself, "Thank Heavens my mind is going first!"

P.S.
Please don't leave parenting tips. I have many books, but they don't work.
It was like those organizing books, I borrowed from the library,that I ended up paying for a year ago. I was so disorganized, I lost them.

Because He inspires me!

Disclaimer: In the following Blog you will find many spelling, punctuation, and clerical errors. If that kind of thing disturbs you please click away from this blog. I am a girl who types as fast as her gorilla fingers can type, in the dark why my hubby, Goodlookin' can sleep. To everyone else, Thanks for giving this gal the benefit of the doubt!


Today I am dedicating this entry to my Uncle Larry and in doing so, I promise to leave out any "Girlie stuff" from this entry. Today is his birthday! So Happy Birthday Lar!

Larry was the only sibling my Mom had. My parents were divorced and my father's family lived far away, so we did not see them very often. My widowed (very funny) Grandmother, My Mom, & Larry were kind of the only adults to look to as an example of 'how to be' when I was a child. So needless to say, but I will say it anyways, I watched Larry closely. Larry is an artist and had a cramped office in the back of the porch of my Grandma's house. Just enough room for him you & maybe one other sibling. When you grow up being one of six kids, that is a huge thing.) Larry had the coolest things in there. Well...to a seven year old they are cool. I am 35 and I still think they are cool. Larry had a marker set that was set on a turntable. He had crayons galore, glues of various kinds, a cool chair at his desk that spun around, a knickknack shelf that had the rolling stones emblem on it with various other knickknacks, and a painting of a Boy swinging on a swing in heaven. I loved being in there, it was a worry-free place for me. Worry was part of my life and unfortunately Worry & I just haven't made a clean break yet or should I say still? Anyways, Larry had about a thousand other things in there. It was fun when you gotta go hang out with Uncle Larry in his office.
When I was ten, for Christmas that year, Larry sent us each a Stamp, complete with a stamp pad. The stamp had our name on it and each in our own different fonts. Mine was in cursive and I loved writing cursive, so it was a perfect fit. I kept that thing for so long, My signature is patterned after that stamp.
One day when I was seven, Larry showed us this new machine he had. It cut, glued, and hardened the glue to bind papers together. He showed my sister and I how the machine worked. After he demonstrated this amazing machines abilities, he held up the bonded paper and said, "This is cool. Do you know why?" We were too awe struck to answer. He said, "Because maybe someday one of you will write a book and it will bring these papers to life.....or you can just color on it on the way home." (we lived about an hour away from he & grandma) I think he said the later as an afterthought & probably laughing to himself. But I can still remember wearing my long sleeve knit green & yellow striped turtleneck shirt and thinking to myself, "I am going to make those papers come alive someday!" I didn't know how I would do it and I still have not done it. But he still inspires me to do so. I remember seeing a painting of someone not fully clothed in his office and back then I was shy, ( I know...what?)I decidedly to timidly ask him why he had a picture like that. He shook his head and I was thinking he might scold me, even though he had never done so before. He put his arm around me and turned me to the painting that happened to be the boy swinging in heaven. Larry said quietly, "Jennifer don't look at it like that. Think this way instead, 'How does the picture make you feel? What do you think the artist is trying to convey to you and others who see it'?" (Convey, was a first BIG word to me) I took a breathe in and looked at it with new eyes. As I exhaled I felt joy and carefree. I felt peace. It literally almost brought me to tears.
Because of that fateful day, I have had a great love for the Arts. I love so many different types of Art! Paintings, sculptures, drawings, poems, movies or plays any can move you in various ways. Books and Music can take me to another world or another time. Art is a gift that each of us have some of. That is what Larry taught this 35 year-old gal so many years ago.
Larry loves cars and I have to say, I find my interest pulled there and in artchitech as well. All are types of art. My bro-in-love Kody, is the most amazing Sculptor I will ever meet. I am not just saying that. It's like when you hear Aaron Neville sing. His voice is so unique that you know that that is what he was meant to do...SING! When I see a sculpture that Kody has done, I am that same seven year old girl standing there, ordaining a new set of eyes and knowing with every bit of my being that that is what Kody was meant to do. I feel these are gifts from a God who loves us dearly. Larry has since wrote me sweet emails at times, telling me how funny my writing is or how I can fine tune something. I keep each one and on a day I doubt myself and I read those. Maybe I was meant to write, maybe I will never be well known for it. But for some reason...I am okay with either. For years I kept beating down this burst of words and stories that I wanted to share. six years ago my hubby brought home a used lap top he bought from his work for $30. Since then I have to have my laptop with me at all times. It is like an extention of myself. I am lazy and hate writing by hand for hours, so typing (even if I am horrible at it) seems to work for me. I enjoy writing. It is an outlet and I think that's where the best part of the gift may lye. However, to those who get to see, hear or feel a piece of art, it can be an awakening of sorts. It can be thought provoking, it can help you soften your heart or make give you perspective on something. Art can do a million other things to you.

Larry, thank-you for opening those eyes of mine. Life without Art is no life at all. Art is all around us. When I look around this world that was made for us to live in...I see art everywhere. It is a blessing. I encourage my kids to take Drama, Art, Creative writing, singing, dancing etc. I want them to feel carefree, yet empowered and then run with it! Share it. Breathe life into it!

Now here is the....well...what I find humorous part of this now 28 years later. The painting of the carefree boy swinging in heaven, is now on display in the Westover's guest master bathroom of their guesthouse. So as you sit upon the throne you can feel peaceful. (Which could be a good thing if you ate a whole burrito at the local El Sombrero Mexican food restaurant, right off of Sepulveda Blvd.


Here is something I just don't get tired of watching (This is the part where Larry is rolling his eyes at me.) This little Jib Jab, I lovingly refer to as "Larry & his Possie". It is a funny little clip of Larry, my hubby, my two brothers, and Mr. Coco Loco. The Boys ran into Mr. Coco Loco at the swim up bar. They sat there and drank their virgin pina Colada from a coconut... head...cup..whatever you want to call it. They were proud boys who each wore an umbrella hat, that Larry had brought just for this occasion, on a fun trip to cancun. Just thinking about it brings tears of laughter to my eyes. All the drunk people thought they were really cool guys. They were & still are. Only a real man can wear a umbrella hat proudly!
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/JIevvaaYTiHYZLfA

Happy Birthday Larry! I love you!

"Can someone give me a hand.....in Marriage?"

ELNA BAKER, She is so funny! Below I put the address to listen to her life in New York. It's about Love, Sex & Being a Single Adult Mormon. This is so funny and true! I love that her name is Elna & my name is Elda. I feel we have a connection. In my "Swinging" *cough* Single days, I had the experience of falling in love with someone who was not Mormon and..Well...I am. So when I saw this I thought of my old boyfriend, Larry.
So Larry, if you ever read this, Please don't say that not having Sex wasn't the reason we broke up. I know it was probably because I was a Needy Chic. And that whole "Crazy Lady" thing, probably had a wee bit to do with it too, but I choose denial. It just works for me! So go with me on this one for old time sake, okay?

Anyways, Elna talks about going to a Young Single Mormon Halloween Costume Dance. I went to a few of those. Thankfully, I got my wits about me and hopped into my car, "Wheeza". I moved away from California and headed off to a little town called, Ivins. It is just outside of St. George, Utah. I was bent on focusing on School and then going on a Mission. To make sure this would happen (and I would not up getting married at 18 or 19) I attended my older Brother's family ward. NO SINGLE ADULT WARDS FOR ME, thank-you very much! I'll check back in when I am 24.

Yes I had this "plan" all laid out. Just then I met the Bishop of the ward I was attending. He was just as sweet as could be. We talked for a bit and he smiled and said, "I have son who would probably love to meet you." I smiled and said, "How tall is he?" What kind of question is that? Well, when you are 5'-9" and you own some dang nice High Heels, you have to think about those things. My legs looked great in Heels and I was not about to give that up for anybody!! But gosh darn it, Goodlookin' and I met because his sister, Wendy became my friend and I just thought I would get it over with. Goodlookin' has these steely icy blue eyes and he disarmed me with his laid back charm. He was half cowboy and half white collar worker. It was like some angel dropped him from heaven, just for me. Unfortunately on the impact of the fall, Goodlookin is only 5'-7&1/2" (I can't forget that half.) You know things seem to compound on landing. It all ended up OK. I wore slippers to my reception in Utah & white flipflops to my reception in California (my hometown) My Sister in law lucked out and inherited some really nice High Heels & Black Cowgirl Boots! She was pregnant, so it made me feel a little bit better that she would be uncomfortable in those heels for the next few months. (I know...I am horrible!) I got over the height thing. As the lady I lived with, at the time, said to me, "Jennifer, when your laying down, your all the same height anyways!" She was not one to mix words.


(I bet all the men mention above are just beyond thrilled beyond words,that I mentioned them in a blog that might talk about "Girl Stuff")

I can't get this to work so Copy and Paste this address. You will laugh until you cry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBvVBXpV8tI

Name Please? & I think it's time to beat the kids

"Name Please?"

GoodLookin'(my hubby): "I hope you like being my wife." followed by a sweet kiss. (I love scruff on a man!)

Me: "Baby, for 15 years 'Mrs. Derek Keller' has been my favorite name."

Goodlookin': *he softly laughs and kisses me on my ear lobe,where he knows I become his captive*. "I'm glad" he whispers softly in my ear.

Me: My neck tilts as he is moving down to my neck. "Well, when your name is Frances Elda Jennifer, it just isn't that hard to beat!"

Goodlookin: "Thanks!" he laughs with slight sarcasm in his voice.

Luckily, Goodlookin' knows me well enough to know that a romantic moment can some times turn into a Comedy Romance. He loves it! I think....well...I am pretty sure.... Maybe I should go ask him....

P.S. I am proud of my name not many women can say that they are named after two grandmothers and three great grandmothers. I also will answer to: "Dear Frannie,...." I would love to answer any of your life concerns as long as your willing to let me mix up my answer with a dollop of funny! Funny is like chocolate. It belongs everywhere!




"I think it's time to beat the kids"

Goodlookin and I hear the commotion from downstairs. There is the smell of freshly baked brownies that our daughter whipped up. We know this must be a fight with our four sons, over the brownies cooling off before they are cut & gobbled up.


Goodlookin': "I think it's time to beat the kids"

Me: "Golly! That's a shame. They weren't even do for their next one, for another twenty minutes."

Goodlookin' & I are not to much of spankers. Sometimes Goodlookin' will joke with them and tell them he is going to give them a whoopin'. After five years of hearing this Jaxon asked me last spring, "Mom...What's a 'whoopin'?"

One our favorite movies is Bill Cosby himself. You will laugh until you almost pee your pants! Our kids love it too. It is funny when someone will just start singing, (In our jam packed kia sedona) "Dad is great....Gives us the Chocolate Cake."

Mom has Bed Head!

The above is a picture of my sister in love. (I don't say law) She is gorgeous....Thus she is only one who who has the guts to put a picture of her hair like this on our family webpage. It's too late to call her. But her is what I would say, "Lou, can I use that picture of you for my Blog. I don't want any copyrighting issues with the ones on the internet." She would say yes. Then I would say thanks. So I am skipping that whole part. I will email her and say, "Look Lou! You made the front page of my new Blog!" .....I will do follow up on how that goes if she doesn't leave a comment.

Anyways, This morning Ryan came in to my room crawled onto the bed and he was looking at me funny. He kept tipping his head this way and that way. Ryan finally managed to say, "Mom...They have this stuff on TV called, 'Smooth Away'. It will help your hair be smooth and down.....and not poking up all over." I laughed and told him, "Your right Ryan. I should get some of that." Apparently these products that tell us "Memory Hold" is not such a good thing. What ever I am using has a very bad Memory of Einstein!

Kids...you gotta love them

"Why is my Bra in my Purse?"

Something I never thought I would say to myself. "Why is my Bra in my Purse?" Yeah... I didn't see that one coming either. Maybe some of my friends & family are not shocked by me having a moment like that. I find that sad...but funny!

I was no Party Girl in High School or Young Adult. I believe in sex after marriage. So I never had a "wild night" or "one night stand". But as I was getting ready to go the grocery store, I was feeling around in my purse for my keys and I kept feeling wire. Wire under cloth. I pull it out and I was very shocked to find my bra folded in my purse. The worst part, I couldn't remember why. I was like, "What the...?" Slowly as I am standing with my purse in one hand and my bra in the other, I kind of wiggled to make sure the "girls" were in one. Because somtimes I am not thinking about what I am doing at the time. As a Mom sometimes you find yourself thinking about things you Need to do. For example: while I was dressing in a rush this morning...I wasn't thinking, "OK, now I am putting on my Bra. Check. Done." Nope that doesn't happen in my scary world (Which is my brain or whats left of it.) I was thinking, " We need bread, Milk, ground beef. hmmm...Taco soup sounds good. I haven't thought about costumes for the kids. I need to get on that. I think five pumpkins is enough. Where did October go?" That was running through my head. So when that Bra popped up. "I thought I had just had a very odd "senior moment".
But then it all came back to me. Saturday Morning Derek and I were at the ER (again) And they wanted an Xray. I was doped up. (We also have found out the hard way, I sure am an awnry druggie!) I was so fed up with being sick, missing a family get together, and so many IV pokes that by the time I left the ER, I was done! I threw my sweater back on and threw my Bra in my purse. Derek did not say anything to me. Because I am not very nice when I am doing morphine. I get all "GRRRR!!" What man in his right mind would say to his wife of 15 years, "Umm...babe...are you sure you don't want to put your bra on?" I don't know alot of those guys. Anyways. That's how the Bra got in the purse. Just thought I'd share.

P.S.
The ER and I...were going to break up! These dates are going nowhere and I always have to buy! (and I tell you tongue dispencers don't come cheap.) There is give and take. Howeve it's usually them taking my blood and me giving too many nurses one more try to see if she can find a vein that won't blow out. So don't expect anymore News on how that's going. Were done. That whole bra thing was the last straw! I feel used and I don't remember most of it. I am moving on! I can do better.