Monday, October 26, 2009

"Can someone give me a Marriage?"

ELNA BAKER, She is so funny! Below I put the address to listen to her life in New York. It's about Love, Sex & Being a Single Adult Mormon. This is so funny and true! I love that her name is Elna & my name is Elda. I feel we have a connection. In my "Swinging" *cough* Single days, I had the experience of falling in love with someone who was not Mormon and..Well...I am. So when I saw this I thought of my old boyfriend, Larry.
So Larry, if you ever read this, Please don't say that not having Sex wasn't the reason we broke up. I know it was probably because I was a Needy Chic. And that whole "Crazy Lady" thing, probably had a wee bit to do with it too, but I choose denial. It just works for me! So go with me on this one for old time sake, okay?

Anyways, Elna talks about going to a Young Single Mormon Halloween Costume Dance. I went to a few of those. Thankfully, I got my wits about me and hopped into my car, "Wheeza". I moved away from California and headed off to a little town called, Ivins. It is just outside of St. George, Utah. I was bent on focusing on School and then going on a Mission. To make sure this would happen (and I would not up getting married at 18 or 19) I attended my older Brother's family ward. NO SINGLE ADULT WARDS FOR ME, thank-you very much! I'll check back in when I am 24.

Yes I had this "plan" all laid out. Just then I met the Bishop of the ward I was attending. He was just as sweet as could be. We talked for a bit and he smiled and said, "I have son who would probably love to meet you." I smiled and said, "How tall is he?" What kind of question is that? Well, when you are 5'-9" and you own some dang nice High Heels, you have to think about those things. My legs looked great in Heels and I was not about to give that up for anybody!! But gosh darn it, Goodlookin' and I met because his sister, Wendy became my friend and I just thought I would get it over with. Goodlookin' has these steely icy blue eyes and he disarmed me with his laid back charm. He was half cowboy and half white collar worker. It was like some angel dropped him from heaven, just for me. Unfortunately on the impact of the fall, Goodlookin is only 5'-7&1/2" (I can't forget that half.) You know things seem to compound on landing. It all ended up OK. I wore slippers to my reception in Utah & white flipflops to my reception in California (my hometown) My Sister in law lucked out and inherited some really nice High Heels & Black Cowgirl Boots! She was pregnant, so it made me feel a little bit better that she would be uncomfortable in those heels for the next few months. (I know...I am horrible!) I got over the height thing. As the lady I lived with, at the time, said to me, "Jennifer, when your laying down, your all the same height anyways!" She was not one to mix words.

(I bet all the men mention above are just beyond thrilled beyond words,that I mentioned them in a blog that might talk about "Girl Stuff")

I can't get this to work so Copy and Paste this address. You will laugh until you cry!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Name Please? & I think it's time to beat the kids

"Name Please?"

GoodLookin'(my hubby): "I hope you like being my wife." followed by a sweet kiss. (I love scruff on a man!)

Me: "Baby, for 15 years 'Mrs. Derek Keller' has been my favorite name."

Goodlookin': *he softly laughs and kisses me on my ear lobe,where he knows I become his captive*. "I'm glad" he whispers softly in my ear.

Me: My neck tilts as he is moving down to my neck. "Well, when your name is Frances Elda Jennifer, it just isn't that hard to beat!"

Goodlookin: "Thanks!" he laughs with slight sarcasm in his voice.

Luckily, Goodlookin' knows me well enough to know that a romantic moment can some times turn into a Comedy Romance. He loves it! I think....well...I am pretty sure.... Maybe I should go ask him....

P.S. I am proud of my name not many women can say that they are named after two grandmothers and three great grandmothers. I also will answer to: "Dear Frannie,...." I would love to answer any of your life concerns as long as your willing to let me mix up my answer with a dollop of funny! Funny is like chocolate. It belongs everywhere!

"I think it's time to beat the kids"

Goodlookin and I hear the commotion from downstairs. There is the smell of freshly baked brownies that our daughter whipped up. We know this must be a fight with our four sons, over the brownies cooling off before they are cut & gobbled up.

Goodlookin': "I think it's time to beat the kids"

Me: "Golly! That's a shame. They weren't even do for their next one, for another twenty minutes."

Goodlookin' & I are not to much of spankers. Sometimes Goodlookin' will joke with them and tell them he is going to give them a whoopin'. After five years of hearing this Jaxon asked me last spring, "Mom...What's a 'whoopin'?"

One our favorite movies is Bill Cosby himself. You will laugh until you almost pee your pants! Our kids love it too. It is funny when someone will just start singing, (In our jam packed kia sedona) "Dad is great....Gives us the Chocolate Cake."

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Mom has Bed Head!

The above is a picture of my sister in love. (I don't say law) She is gorgeous....Thus she is only one who who has the guts to put a picture of her hair like this on our family webpage. It's too late to call her. But her is what I would say, "Lou, can I use that picture of you for my Blog. I don't want any copyrighting issues with the ones on the internet." She would say yes. Then I would say thanks. So I am skipping that whole part. I will email her and say, "Look Lou! You made the front page of my new Blog!" .....I will do follow up on how that goes if she doesn't leave a comment.

Anyways, This morning Ryan came in to my room crawled onto the bed and he was looking at me funny. He kept tipping his head this way and that way. Ryan finally managed to say, "Mom...They have this stuff on TV called, 'Smooth Away'. It will help your hair be smooth and down.....and not poking up all over." I laughed and told him, "Your right Ryan. I should get some of that." Apparently these products that tell us "Memory Hold" is not such a good thing. What ever I am using has a very bad Memory of Einstein! gotta love them

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"Why is my Bra in my Purse?"

Something I never thought I would say to myself. "Why is my Bra in my Purse?" Yeah... I didn't see that one coming either. Maybe some of my friends & family are not shocked by me having a moment like that. I find that sad...but funny!

I was no Party Girl in High School or Young Adult. I believe in sex after marriage. So I never had a "wild night" or "one night stand". But as I was getting ready to go the grocery store, I was feeling around in my purse for my keys and I kept feeling wire. Wire under cloth. I pull it out and I was very shocked to find my bra folded in my purse. The worst part, I couldn't remember why. I was like, "What the...?" Slowly as I am standing with my purse in one hand and my bra in the other, I kind of wiggled to make sure the "girls" were in one. Because somtimes I am not thinking about what I am doing at the time. As a Mom sometimes you find yourself thinking about things you Need to do. For example: while I was dressing in a rush this morning...I wasn't thinking, "OK, now I am putting on my Bra. Check. Done." Nope that doesn't happen in my scary world (Which is my brain or whats left of it.) I was thinking, " We need bread, Milk, ground beef. hmmm...Taco soup sounds good. I haven't thought about costumes for the kids. I need to get on that. I think five pumpkins is enough. Where did October go?" That was running through my head. So when that Bra popped up. "I thought I had just had a very odd "senior moment".
But then it all came back to me. Saturday Morning Derek and I were at the ER (again) And they wanted an Xray. I was doped up. (We also have found out the hard way, I sure am an awnry druggie!) I was so fed up with being sick, missing a family get together, and so many IV pokes that by the time I left the ER, I was done! I threw my sweater back on and threw my Bra in my purse. Derek did not say anything to me. Because I am not very nice when I am doing morphine. I get all "GRRRR!!" What man in his right mind would say to his wife of 15 years, "Umm...babe...are you sure you don't want to put your bra on?" I don't know alot of those guys. Anyways. That's how the Bra got in the purse. Just thought I'd share.

The ER and I...were going to break up! These dates are going nowhere and I always have to buy! (and I tell you tongue dispencers don't come cheap.) There is give and take. Howeve it's usually them taking my blood and me giving too many nurses one more try to see if she can find a vein that won't blow out. So don't expect anymore News on how that's going. Were done. That whole bra thing was the last straw! I feel used and I don't remember most of it. I am moving on! I can do better.